Anu Chenji

Some people are born squirrels and some are born chuckers-away – old jungle saying… haha, which jungle, you ask? Why, the one in which I was born, of course! 😉

Members of each will always end up marrying each other – another old jungle saying.

And then, for the rest of their natural lives, they will finish each other’s sentences… which go something like this: why didn’t clear up after lunch? You were the last to eat! The correct response this being : oh, was I? with an air of injured innocence as though to say if you had only told me that I was the last one to finish lunch, as though I wouldn’t have… he wouldn’t have!

And then : but where have you put all my shirts? I can’t find even one – while staring at a pile of ironed shirts right at eye level!

Other conversations will go like this: when you are clearing up cupboards together – a rookie mistake which occurs during the early years of marriage when you are yet to recognize the species – squirrel or chucker-away that each of you belongs to… once you learn, you learn never to clean up cupboards together. Till then, conversations go like this:

“You chucked away that banian (vest) of mine? That was my favourite banian and I wore it at our wedding reception!”  Said banian is fuller of holes than a Swiss cheese, btw, but the last bit drowns you in guilt… till you realize that the wedding reception line applies to every holy banian, every yellowed-with-age handkerchief, every suit that is five sizes too small! And suddenly you wonder, hey – isn’t that the fifth suit you claim to have worn at our wedding reception!

Retribution come sin the form of “how many crockery sets do you need? Yet another? Didn’t you just buy one last year?!!” Yes, I did, but that was last year and this is this year! And thank God you don’t know about the two spare Magic Bullets in the top left hand shelf that I bought at an exhibition! ”Hey, a girl can’t have too many Magic Bullets!” (They’re a brand of mixers with innumerably fascinating attachments!)

My husband often complains that if he were ever prescribed bed rest for any reason, he’d probably given away to the raddiwallah (the guy who buys old newspapers and stuff that you no longer need/want) while having a nap!

In the same fashion, I find it difficult not to share food with family/neighbours/friends every time I make it – particularly pickles and podis which are always made in LARGE quantities!

Like this cucumber pickle…

DOSAAVAKAI

• Round, yellow cucumber called ‘dosakai’ in Telugu (see pic)
• Mustard powder – 2 heaped tbsp.
• Red chili powder – 2 heaped tbsp.
• Salt – 2 tsp
• Turmeric – 1 tsp
• Methi seeds – ½ tsp
• Sesame oil – preferably organic – 1/2 cup 

Wash and dry the cucumber. Cut into half. If there are too many seeds, clean them out. If there are just a few, doesn’t matter – let ‘em be.

Cut into 1.5 cm cubes.

Mix all the dry ingredients together. Add to the cucumber pieces and mix well. Add half the oil and mix. Bottle into a sterile jar. Add more oil to coat all the pieces.

Set aside for two days. It’s ready to eat on the third day.

Traditionally, in Andhra weddings, if the wedding date is fixed suddenly, and there is not enough aavakai to serve for the many uests who are expected, this is the pickle that is made – a sort of dhideer (quick) pickle!

And you can fight over who cleans up after making the pickle!

“Can I have your pillow?” asks my father-in-law.

I look at him in horror – what, give up the pillow I’ve used since I was fourteen years old?! My pillow knows the contours of my head. It’s like asking Linus to give up his security blanket! I’d have withdrawal symptoms… probably go into a decline and fade away…

I’ve been married a few months and am learning to live with a new family. My father-in-law, more like a dad than a f-i-l to me, god bless him, is a compulsive worrier and insomniac. Me, I’m a Hyderabadi! Which means, among many other things, that worries weigh lightly upon our souls (till you become Madras-ised that is!!), that we can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Don’t believe me? Well, let me tell you what actually happened to me. 

Hubby had a Bullet those early days and as any Bullet owner knows, its got a large, comfortable seat at the back too – a true lorry of a bike. I was unused to long commutes in Hyderabad and as soon as I joined the slave brigade… oops, sorry, the work force… in Chennai, I had to commute some thirty kilometers to work each way – by bus and train! Net result:  I was so tired all the time, I could literally fall asleep anywhere! Back to the Bullet. Husband picks me up from the local station one evening and we make our way back home – some fifteen kilometers away. Am in a saree, so sit sidesaddle. Long before we reach the halfway mark, am fast asleep on the pillion… till… a rude lorry driver honks right in my ear and I jump out of my skin and literally –off the bike! Luckily, we were stopped at a red light so nothing further occurred. 

My father-in-law hears this story and cannot believe that anyone could fall asleep like I could and did – all the time – in theaters, on the way to theaters, on the way back, while reading the paper… and of course, the last exploit on the back of the Bullet! He’s seen me doing it, of course and figures out that maybe the answer lies in my pillow! Hence, trying to cure his insomnia, he tries to wangle my pillow off me! Like we say in Telugu, his “pappu won’t udukufy” here (literally his lentils won’t cook here!) – meaning it’s a lost cause before he even begins! I might have willed whatever I possessed to him before I gave away my pillow! 

P.S: I did, finally, give it – to my new born daughter!

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Dipika offered to make omelettes for all of us for breakfast and I happily laid out everything she wanted… expecting regular omelettes. But her omelettes were works of art – fluffy, fat, airy… and in case you’re wondering what this has to do with my pillows – they were softer than my pillows, even! And that is saying A LOT!

Presenting…

DIPIKA’S SOFTER-THAN-ANU’S-PILLOW OMELETTES

• Eggs – 2 per head
• Salt and pepper
• Butter – 1/2 tsp per omelette
• Oil 1 tsp
• Cake mixer with the whisk attachment – VERY IMPORTANT – otherwise you’ll have to kill yourself whipping the eggs into soft peaks with a fork!
• Very finely chopped tomatoes, onions, capsicums, green chilies, a tiny bit of ginger (optional), mint or coriander
• Cheese slices – 1 per omelette or grated cheddar – 1 tbsp per omelette

Whisk the living daylights out of the eggs adding salt. The eggs should stand up in soft peaks – takes 5-7 minutes per omelette so if you’ve got a lot of people to feed, use two pans and whip 4 eggs at a time.

Place the pan on the stove and pour in the oil and butter. Let it melt and spread out over the surface. Gently pour the whipped eggs into the pan. As they spread, sprinkle a little of all the toppings on top and cover. Tear each cheese slice into pieces and sprinkle over. 

Cook on a very gentle heat till the top begins to set and fold over in half – using two ladles if necessary.  

Cook for a further two minutes and slide on to the plate.

I guarantee you that you will NOT go to sleep while you eat this lighter-than-air concoction! I do not guarantee the same for ten minutes later though! This is very definitely a Sunday morning breakfast!

I come home from work one day and ring the doorbell – the children have holidays and are at home. To my puzzlement (I can hear lots of noise inside), no one answers. Dig around in my handbag and find the key to let myself in… and walk into a… snowstorm! In the thick of the Madras summer, with temperature soaring waa…y above forty, where sweating occurs more naturally than breathing, my genius kids have found a way to beat the heat! Or so I thought for an instant as visions of a Nobel prize awarded jointly to a seven-year old and her three-year old sister floated past my eyes! I really would have to do something about Kanchu’s fingers-in-the mouth habit before she went up on stage… ran my thoughts!

Then the snow cleared a bit and I saw through a haze of what looked like flakes but were actually tiny thermocol balls, several small faces… gloriously happy faces… my kids and a few others… the game was so exciting that no one noticed me come in. Then the story unfolds… they’re playing at Snow White, have built a ‘palanquin’ in which an Indianised Snow White can be carried. Kanch being the smallest, is obvious choice for being carried… also she doesn’t mind a couple of tumbles as her swains – Archana, Vinaya and Vasavi… try lifting a very unbalanced palanquin! K, as long as she continues to get attention, is quite happy to get tossed about a bit! 

The palanquin is made out of a cardboard carton with ‘windows’ cut out in the side and the snow… ah, the snow… has been painstakingly obtained from hours of slaving over breaking up thermocol packing sheets into little balls! In the process, my house, which has an open plan kitchen-dining-drawing room is… well, is in the thick of a snowstorm! For a second, I wondered whether I should do the mom act and yell at the kids for a mess etc. etc. but better sense prevails. 

Half an hour later, the aunt of one of the kids – an excellent housekeeper – comes to pick her up and walks into this… mess! In the middle of the snowstorm, nursing a cup of tea and lost in a novel, is the mom… me! Explanations and apologies from me are waved aside… it is so evident that happiness is the order of the day… having decided that I couldn’t do anything to make things better, meaning cleaner… I decided to do the next easiest thing – to let it be! 

And so to celebrate Snow White’s surviving several tumbles out of the palanquin, none the worse for the wear, we decided to make a day of it and make this easy chocolate, coffee and almond cake.

CHOCOLATE COFFEE ALMOND CAKE WITH GANACHE ICING

• Plain flour / maida – 140 gm sieved with 1.5 tsp baking powder
• Cocoa powder – 40 gm
• Sugar 180 fm – powdered
• Almond meal – 1/2 cup
• Vanilla essence – 1 tsp
• Coffee powder – instant – 2 tsp mixed with 1 tsp of water
• Table butter – 80 gm
• Sunflower oil – 60 gm
• Yogurt – 30 gm
• Eggs – 3

FOR GANACHE

• Dark cooking chocolate – 1 bar – about 100 gm
• Cream – 50 ml

Cream the butter, oil and sugar together for a few minutes. This cake does not involve any great amount of creaming etc – it’s basically and all-in-the-bowl cake. Break the eggs in and mix again. Add all the other ingredients and mix for 3-4 minutes till fluffy.  Pour into a greased baking pan and bake at 200 C for about 35 minutes till done.

Let cool. For the ganache, heat the chocolate and cream together in a double boiler and when it’s glossy and smooth, pour over the cake.

Don’t let the thermocol balls fall into it while you’re eating, though!

This morning, I was driving back home (strictly speaking, being driven back home by hubby!) from a lab after giving blood for tests etc.and feeling miserable because the girl who’d stuck the needle in my arm had – literally – hit a nerve and I was in some pain. We passed a car with a little boy – he couldn’t have been more than six or seven years old and was sprawled across the back seat, in school uniform, about as disconsolate a face as ever I have encountered! Little schoolgoing kids today are the most put upon members of our society, I swear! Schoolwork, homework, bulging bags, impossible-to-finish-without-parental-help assignments, no play time at home or school – no wonder kids look so sad!

We had visited many schools – some of which looked so much like jails that I did not even bother to stop my scooter in the park but turned right around and kept going – shuddering to think of my little girl in jail at the ripe old age of three!

After much deliberation, we had decided to put our child in a Montessori school and I devoutly thank whatever providence led us to making that decision – even today – they are grown-up young women making their own ways in the world!

I think what swung the balance in favour of the school was, as we entered, I hear first a peal of laughter and then see a bunch of little kids running past, pigtails flying and barefoot! Having lived through the tyranny of stiff black shoes through my school years, except for the PT days, when we could, thankfully slip into soft, white keds, that was the game changer! 

First one daughter, then another, many years of Montessori philosophy and I am a convert for life!

The school’s philosophy was to teach life skills along with academic skills and every other conceivable skill you needed – starting with buttoning yourself, putting on your shoes, cleaning up after yourself (though going by the state of Kanch’s room now, that lesson was a big failure!) and most important in the life of three and four year-olds – “cooking”!

Cooking lessons consisted of carrot cutting, pottukadalai pounding (pottukadalai is fried gram, putnaala pappu, phutani) and lime juice making. This cooking lesson was VERY important – aiming to improve motor skills, inculcate a sense of hygiene and most importantly – sharing. The carrot cutter or pottukadalai pounder had to finish the “work” and share the results with all her/his friends – a truly fine art of balancing! Obviously, the kids enjoyed the eating the most! The rest of the learning happened unconsciously…

Till today, when I hear my kids reminiscing about school, the starting point is always those much-loved cookery classes!

Let’s go back to school today and make something incredibly delicious and simple – the 

CORNER SHOP GRAPE JUICE

For 2 glasses

• Black grapes – 1 cup – washed well. To remove all traces of pesticides and whatnot, soak in a solution of 1 part vinegar to ten parts water for half and hour and rinse well. The seedless variety is preferable but we can work with both…
• Sugar – 3 tsp
• Water – 1.5 cups
• Salt – 1 pinch

Microwave the grapes in water for about 7 minutes on high. Else boil on the stovetop for 10 minutes till tender.

Cool and using using your fingers, squish out the pulp and discard the skins. The pulp slips out quite easily. If the grapes are seeded, you will need to take these out too. 

Blend the pulp but not completely – some of the little squishy lumps should be left so you get bursts of grape in your mouth! 

Add the sugar and boil again. Cool and serve with ice.

And if have been a good Montessori student, REMEMBER TO SHARE!

“Pops, look at that pretty pair of sandals. Shall I get those for you?”

Fingers are taken out of the mouth for an instant to reply,  “But, why, Amma, I got my ‘gyeen’ (green) slippers, no? See… ” and she sticks out her tiny foot for me to look at! Kanch, all of five years old, has been stuck on ONE pair of fluorescent green slippers since she was two – her foot size hasn’t changed and her preferences are the same. So, off we go… to weddings and funerals and birthday parties, restaurants and beaches and swimming pools and parks, dressed in pattu pavadais (long silk skirts) or shorts or pyjamas – all teamed up very fashionably with a pair of ‘gyeen’ beach slippers which are beginning to fall apart. Loyalty to friends and principles is a very good thing indeed but this is the first time I’ve seen such loyalty to a disreputable pair of slippers!

I tried a couple of times suggesting that maybe, popsicle, it might be a good idea to wear sandals with a frock or a pavadai? But why, Amma? – was always the answer and I decided that wisdom lay in letting her make her own choices. Plus, sooner or later, she was bound to ask me for more shoes and sandals than I might be able to buy for her so let’s revel in the moment! Well, she’s never turned into a profligate shopper and I’m the mom who keeps pressing her to buy things!

The only place where she always wanted more than she could chew was food on her plate! She’d have barely started eating before she checked to see if there was enough for a third helping and a fourth!

 In keeping with the fondness for green slippers, she continues to like all things green – spinach to bhindi to dondakai (kundru/gherkins) to beans and broccoli and what have you!

One of our top favourite things in life – for dinner, that is :), is a spinach soup with potato salad combo.

Soups the simpler they are, the better they taste and none simpler than this super healthy…

SPINACH SOUP

• Spinach/palak/palakoora and please avoid the baccchali/Malabar spinach variety – it’s the yucky, gooey stuff – 3 cups, cleaned
• Onion – sliced -1 small
• Butter or olive oil – 1 tsp
• Salt
• Pepper – 1/2 tsp
• Milk or cream – 1/2 cup

Heat the oil/butter along with onions in a pan. Cover and cook till onions are softened. Add the spinach and cook, covered for 4-5 minutes till it is wilted. Cool and blend to a completely smooth puree.

Pour back into the pan and bring to the boil, adding salt and pepper.

To serve, pour into a bowl and add a couple of tbsp of milk or cream on top.

No herbs or flavourings are needed for spinach – it sings rather happily on its own – just like ‘gyeen’ beach slippers are in harmony with every dress known to tiny tots!

(Pic courtesy: Internet)