Anu Chenji

“I live and die by the GPS,” announces the son of friends we’re staying with in New Jersey. That, he says is his excuse for getting lost on the way back to his own home on a straight road with one turning in it! He’s always gone to tennis lessons and to everything else in his life along with the older brother. The tennis club is about a quarter of a mile down the road and a single, completely unmissable turning from his house! He forgets where it is and is trickling back after the lesson, peeking carefully around the corner of each turning to see if he can recognise something – anything! Na-da!

In the meantime, the dad and the older brother who has been extremely remiss in his elder-brotherly duties by skipping tennis lesson that day are despatched by the anxious mom to find the kid. Did I mention ‘the kid’ is seventeen years old?! And that, my dears, is the younger child syndrome!

“But why are you making such a fuss? I’d have made my way home eventually,” he protesteth. “And how?” asks the dad. “Oh, I asked a couple of people which of these roads has a gym on it,” says he, thinking, “Aha – gotcha! I know there is a gym next door to where we live – see?” (none so indignant as  a lost younger sibling – I swear!) He’s right – there is a gym next door – and on every other street in the area! Our man, of course, does not know the name of the gym!

So what exactly is the younger sibling syndrome, you ask? It is the supreme confidence in the ability of things to sort themselves out when they have gone completely awry without one’s needing to do anything to set things right! And what is amazing is just how often the universe (in the form of aforementioned older sibling!) does conspire to do exactly that! Thereby further reinforcing the younger kid’s sublime faith!

Now every younger sibling (guilty!) knows what that means – to allow a child to be born second is basically like giving them a licence to not take responsibility for anything that happens in their lives – “but… but... it just happened” is an excuse I’ve heard a million times from my own younger daughter and used a million times more to my mom too!

Sometimes though, this faith is tested a little – a very leetle bit! Like this same seventeen year old, when a year younger (but tall and can pass off for older), is taken on a holiday to Las Vegas by parents and older sibling – who is over twenty. As they enter a casino – the much-looked-forward-to high point of their holiday, they are asked to show their id cards. Our genius, instead of showing his driving licence or passport or whatever, smartly whips out his school id! Equally smartly gets thrown out of the casino! Even the older brother cannot help him out of his troubles on this one!

And therefore, I empathise completely when he says he lives and dies by the GPS – I would be completely lost without one and sometimes even with one!

Ah, well, there are some foods like that too – though I think with a little help from its friends, we can make something of this very yummy-looking, not-so-yummy tasting thing that is such popular street food in America… I’m talking about the pretzel.

The pretzel is a baked bread shaped like a loop. The dough itself has no seasoning – not even salt but it is sprinkled with flakes of salt on salt. I was hungry. There was nothing else to be had on the ferry to Ellis Island and so I disconsolately chew on one, giving it a makeover in my mind! Here’s my version of the pretzel…

MASALA PRETZEL

FOR THE PRETZEL

• Maida/plain flour – 2 cups + a little more for dusting
• Whole wheat flour – 2 cups
• Yeast – 2.5 tsp
• Egg – 1
• Sugar  – 1 tbsp
• Salt – 2 tsp

Prove the yeast in 1/4 cup warm water and then knead all the ingredients into a smooth but slightly sticky dough.

Set aside, covered and let the dough double in size – about an hour.

Knock back, knead lightly and roll out 1/2 cm thick ropes about 10 cm long. Shape into pretzels. See pic. Set aside to prove again for about 20 minutes.

Bring a large pot of water to boil and set the oven to preheat at 220 C.

Drop 4-5 pretzels into the boiling water and let cook, turning over once – for about 3 minutes. They should be puffed up by now.

Lay them out on a baking tray lined with paper and bake till golden brown and done – about 30 – 35 minutes.

Cool.

FOR THE MASALA

• Chili powder – 1/2 tsp
• Pepper – 1/2 tsp
• Juice of 1 lime
• Jaggery or palm sugar – 1.5 tsp
• Salt – 1 tsp
• Jeera/cumin powder – 1/2 tsp
• Garlic powder – 1/2 tsp – optional
• Oil – 3/4 cup
• Sesame seeds – 2 tbsp – optional

Mix all the masalas together and coat the pretzels with it even – shaking together in a large ziplock bag is easiest. Leave the pretzels to get infused for about an hour.

Then lay them out to bake at 200 C for about 40 – 45 minutes, turning over every ten minutes.

Just offer these to the older sibling – let me assure you he/she will ensure you never get lost!

“AmmmaaaAAAA… ” rises a voice in protest… my daughter protesting yet another overly tourist-y thing her mother insists on doing or another politically incorrect thing said mother insists on blurting out and embarrassing her with!

“But I am a tourist. Why can’t I do touristy stuff?” I protest. As far as I know, “tourist” is NOT a four-letter word though with the e-splng  (e-spelling) outbreak, it might well become “trst” a word which will make mothers send their wards to the bathroom to wash their mouths out with soap for! That is, of course, when said mothers are themselves not spouting four-letter words like “Go to schl” or ” hv u dn yr hmwk?”!

My first time in America and I am feeling a bit like I’m on a roller coaster ride with stops for many splendid sights at all of which I have to gawk of course – that’s why toursist attractions are built, didn’t you know? So tourists like me can get a crick in their necks by craning them upwards at skyscrapers, sideways at the the greenery and every which way at all the goodies in the shops! Oh, and we forget the downwards in the Willis Tower at Chicago where you can not only get a crick in the neck but also the fright of your life as you look below your feet to the middle of the earth (that’s what it seems like).

And so I do embarrassingly touristy stuff like buying a pink straw boater in which I proudly strut about everywhere while hubby by my side has a white straw Stetson – between the two of us we look like two lumps of strawberry and vanilla icecream! To be fair, it is the same daughter who after voicing protests (well, that’s their appointed role in role in life. Otherwise who will keep irresponsible parents in order?!!) sees us trying on these hats with great glee in a travel plaza and buys them for us!

The same goes for political correctness – “No, amma, you cannot call them hipsters or hippies. Firstly they are not at all the same thing and both are politically wrong! You can only call them a commune!”

“How about a community? And why is ‘hippy’ a bad word? I think it’s a very cool thing to be – in fact, I’d rather like to be one myself!” I argue.

She sighs. “No, it is NOT (cool)! And no, you will NOT (call them that)!” she says very firmly – in that voice I used to use twenty years ago when I laid down the law – talk about role reversal!

I am not convinced but only make mild grunts of protest.

We move on to another place – to stay with the amazingly welcoming family of Vipra and Arun – who open up their home and hearts to us – again a truly inclusive sense of community.

Vipra seems to have a self-powered dynamo inside her and manages to get a million things done every day – all of it with a smile! She makes this amazing dal for us – along with ten other dishes – simple, everyday but quite, quite delicious.

DAL TADKA

• 2 cups toor dal – soaked for a hour
• 1 cup onions – chopped fine
• 3 flakes garlic – minced
• Ginger paste – 1 tsp
• Green chilies – 1 or 2 -minced
• Tomatoes – 1.5 cups – chopped
• Turmeric – 1/8 tsp
• Methi/fenugreek seeds – 1/2 tsp
• Jeera/cumin seeds – 1/2 tsp
• Salt
• Chopped coriander – 2 tbsp
• Garam masala powder – 1 tsp
• Oil – 1 tbsp

Heat the oil in a pressure cooker and add jeera and green chilies and saute. Add the onions and stir.

When they start browning, add the garlic and ginger and continue to stir. Add the tomatoes and tumeric and cook till mushy.

Add the soaked dal and fry for about 5 minutes till roasted a bit.

Add 5 cups water, salt and red chili powder and pressure cook for two to three whistles.

Switch off, let cool and add garam masala.

Garnish with coriander and serve with hot rice.

This is a one pot dal – no need to cook it first and then get the onions and tomatoes ready and add it later and all that fussy stuff!

And all politically above board too – ask your daughters!

“What, what, why are you calling her a cheapskate? She is a bit funny (as in weird funny, not haha funny!) at times but she’s not a bad person really,” insists my mother as we all stare at her in puzzlement. We haven’t been calling anyone anything. In point of fact, we’ve not been discussing people… only food! And then it strikes me – we’ve been discussing cheesecake recipes and my mother, whose gradual loss of hearing has led rise to some hilarious misunderstandings, has heard it as cheesecake and is protesting that the lady in question – a distant relation – is not a cheesecake… I mean cheapskate… I mean I’m getting confused now!

Her son-in-law, my husband has derived a good deal of enjoyment from these situations and constantly tries to get a rise out of her! She is a good sport however and gives as good as she gets!

On one occasion, when I have a particularly annoying visitor who invariably manages to get under my skin with her very retrograde views, my mother seems to be quite calm about the whole thing and doesn’t react to anything the lady says – even when they are most irritating! The lady leaves and I ask my mother how she manages to tolerate her so well. “Oh, I just take off my hearing aid when people like her are about, you know.Then I don’t have to listen to them. It’s a very useful thing to be deaf sometimes,” she announces blithely! Trust her to make the best of any situation that life throws at her. When life throws lemons at her, my mom’s policy would be to why stop with making just lemonade, let’s go the whole hog and make lemon meringue pie and cheesecake and lemon rice and a lemon pickle to go with it and extract every possible ounce of juice out of the lemon!

This selective deafness seems to run in the family. Another elderly relation, married for many years, rarely hears what his wife says to him. When he has to, however, like when she speaks very loudly right next to him and he cannot ignore the message, he turns to her with an expression of the utmost surprise, “Huh? Oh, were you speaking to me?” – by which time she’s given up in frustration. But sit right across a large room  from him and ask him in soft tones if he’d like a drink, the “yes” comes without him missing a beat!

I have some problems with my ears a few months ago and check out my hearing. The audiologist certifies it as one hundred percent perfect hearing. I tell him I am very glad because deafness runs in my family and I had been a bit worried. “Oh, don’t worry. You might get there yet,” he assures me – even he seems to think deafness is no bad thing! I am now engaged in studying these various relations of mine to see in what ways deafness works for them – pointers to my own future course of action, maybe!

In the meantime, here’s the lemon cheesecake that my mom loves and comes from some of the lemons life has thrown at her!

One of the easiest dessert recipes, it’s a throw it all together and whizz creation…

EASY LEMON CHEESECAKE

• Ginger or digestive biscuits – 5-6 – crush with just 1 tsp butter and press into the bottom of 4 cups
• Paneer/cottage cheese – 100 gms – cold
• 100 gm cream cheese – from the frig
• Sprite or Fanta – 100 ml – cold
• Juice of one lime
• Sugar – 1/4 cup or Splenda – 4-5 sachets.

Whizz the paneer in the blender along with the sweetener.

Add the fizzy drink, continuing to blend.

Add the cream cheese and the lime juice and blend till well mixed. Pour into the cups and refrigerate overnight till set.

Decorate with lemon zest or mango puree as a topping.

This one aint no cheapskate, I’m tellin’ ya!

(Pic: Courtesy internet)

Ok, yes, I missed a deadline last night… excuse – I was drugged out on the Dramamine I took for seasickness (being the possessor of one of those sad stomachs which rears up angrily if I so much as stray a couple of metres into the water at the beach!) but am going to make up for it – it’s 365 posts in 365 days – remember – my loophole is I can write two posts or even more on some days so I get there – trust the Indian to find the loophole in the rule that I made for myself – oh, lord! We are all politicians in the making and I had fooled myself into thinking that i had embraced no ‘isms’ whatsoever – one lives and one learns things about oneself!

The whalewatching trip out of Boston harbour was incredibly exciting – we sighted no fewer than twenty one whales and a seal which followed us for over a mile (see just how American I’m becoming – actually going non-metric!) and kept popping its head out of the water every few seconds to eye us curiously – maybe it was wondering whether we were very large prey? I was careful to not go too near the prow of the boat – after all – fat is the most difficult substance to procure in nature and we do not want to tempt any predators with our extra kilos – pounds rather!  And those waters do harbour sharks – the tour guide said so!

The whales seemed to be putting on  a special show for us as they cavorted in the water – showing tails and undulating silhouettes – they are unimaginably graceful for such large creatures. And no wonder they get to be that size – did you know that they can feed continuously for six months – like I mean – a mealtime lasts that long – with no breaks and then for six months they can go without any food whatsoever! It’s called a slimming diet – no food – and boy do they need it by then!

From a day that starts out warm and all you need is a shirt, the boat zips into the ocean and then suddenly I am feeling like ice-cream – semi-freddo – soon to be fully freddo! I mean – it is bone-chillingly cold. And I begin to think of hot soups and hot parathas and generally hot anything will do! The glorious dance of the whales drives everything else out of my mind till it is time to head back.

Thinking of what whales eat – krill and plankton and small fish – (all stony cold, I bet – I wouldn’t want their diet even if I could eat for six months continuously!) and Moby Dick and by some strange association – the hunting of the Snark… brings to mind quorn! We’d been talking about it with one of our hosts on this trip – the incredibly hospitable, warm couple – Neena and Anupam – who are veritable encyclopaedias (encyclopaediae?) of knowledge on almost anything under the sun and I learnt for the first time that quorn – unlike my imagination which had characterised it as being made of veggies and Marmite and mushrooms and eggs – compressed into little pellets (I swear!), it was actually a microfungus!

Wiki says :

“Quorn is a major meat substitute product within the UK and Ireland.^[1] The brand was launched in 1985 by Marlow Foods (a joint venture between Rank Hovis McDougall and ICI). Quorn is intended to replicate the taste and texture of meat.^{[citation needed]} All Quorn foods contain mycoprotein as an ingredient, which is derived from the Fusarium venenatum fungus and is grown by fermentation using a process that has been called similar to the production of beer or yoghurt.^[2] The fungus culture is dried and mixed with egg albumen, which acts as a binder, and then is adjusted in texture and pressed into various forms. Additionally, the carbon footprint of Quorn Frozen Mince in the UK is claimed to be 70% less than that of beef.^[3]“

I am shocked – but like I said – we live and we learn.

All that is fine but quorn still doesn’t sound very appetising to me – am going to try it and tell you what it’s like. In the meantime, I get hungrier and hungrier – a packet of chips does little to allay hunger. An ENORMONGOUS (I promise there is no non-messy way to eat it) sandwich – I have to keep picking bits of cabbage and mayo and ketchup and mustard and various unidentifiable objects off my clothes through the day! – and a yummy red velvet cookie (they are called whoopie pies – such a cute name!) are what I get – here’s the latter…

RED VELVET WHOOPIE PIES

Don’t be fooled – it’s not hard like our biscuits, it’s soft! – more like a cake. Adapted from a recipe from Oven Love

• 1 cup flour/maida
• 1 tbsp. cocoa powder
• 4 tsp. baking powder
• 3 tbsp. salted butter, softened
• Scant 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1 small egg
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla essence
• ½ cup whipped yogurt
• 1 tsp red food coloring
• 1 batch cream cheese frosting – (whip together 4 tbsp cream cheese, 2 tbsp butter, 1/2 tsp vanilla essence and 1/2 cup of icing sugar (more if you lie ‘em sweet)

1. Preheat the oven to 375˚ F
2. Using something round, trace evenly spaced circles onto pieces of parchment paper sized to fit two cookie sheets. Place the parchment on the cookie sheets so that the side you have drawn on is facing down; set aside
3. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt. In a separate bowl,cream together the butter and brown sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Beat in the egg until incorporated, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Blend in the vanilla. With the mixer on low speed, beat in about a third of the dry ingredients, followed by half of the yogurt, beating each addition just until incorporated. Repeat so that all the yogurt has been added and then mix in the final third of dry ingredients. Do not overmix. Blend in the food coloring
4. Transfer the batter to a pastry bag fitted with a large plain round tip. Pipe the batter onto the parchment paper using the tracings as a guide. Bake 7-9 minutes or until the tops are set, rotating the baking sheets halfway through. Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheets at least 10 minutes, until they can be easily transferred to a cooling rack. Repeat with any remaining batter. Allow cookies to cool completely before proceeding
5. Fill the frosting in a clean pastry bag fitted with a plain, round tip. Pair the cookies up by shape and size. Flip one cookie of each pair over so that the flat side is facing up
6. Pipe frosting onto the flat-sided cookie of each pair, leaving the edges clear. Sandwich the cookies together so the flat sides are facing each other and press gently to help the filling reach the edges. To store, refrigerate in an airtight container

No this is not the whale’s slimming diet – it’s the one in the other six months – the fattening one!